My Experiments with Bachelorhood

It was that time of the month. No you idiot, I am not talking about that thing that aligns with Moon Cycles or marriages in Saas-Bahu Soaps. It was the last week of the month. Account balance didn't look too promising. Then I looked outside. It was even more depressing. Cool Winds blowing, a hint of rain in air betrayed by the smell of wet dust. I wanted to go out but couldn't. My account balance didn't allow me. Then like the flashback moment before death, I recalled it all. How it took me 1656 seconds to convince her that the other she was just my cousin

It was then it hit me. Screw all the crap about saving women, children, tigers, society's weaker sections, street dogs, Political Son-in-laws and their rivals. We need to save Bachelorhood.

Remember the time you called up an apartment owner who has put up an ad to let his apartment. "What?? North Indian? Bachelor? (Beep-Beep)" The phone line went dead. Where is the bloody balcony, I am gonna jump.

If this wasn't suicidal enough, recall the moment you dozed off in the metro and a supposedly needy old aunty was left standing for 60 seconds because you didn't stand up and apparently among a crowd of other 25 year olds, you are the only one eligible to give your seat. Of course, others happen to be either girls or married dudes with a kid on their lap.

And then it got worse. Those 60 seconds convinced her that she has ultimately found the person responsible for all the scum being delivered right to her nose everyday. Apparently, I represent my generation. It was like being crowned the Prince after a rather naughty holiday at a beach resort that all the newspapers had photos of.

I urge Kejriwals, Annas, Swamys (reluctantly) to save bachelors. It is a section of society that has been abandoned by families, ignored by aliens from Venus and declared criminal by Mr Muthuswamy. We will sit on hunger strikes if we could. Unfortunately, we're perennially on hunger strike. The issue just happens to be someone's broken computer that we're trying to fix in an Irish sounding American accent. Just as you requested, We'll not pay inflated electricity bills, but that's mostly because we can't pay those bills. And yes, We will speak freely on social network, whatever the Mobile Phone minister has to say, but that's only because the chances of anyone actually seeing that are close to zero.

So I will end with a small request. Remember, when our parents uses to tell us when we were kids. Now is the time you should work and study hard. You can have all the freedom you want when you grow. Well, my friends, they were referring to bachelorhood. 

Bachelorhood. Save yours, You never know how many good years you have left.

PS: Unless you are really daft and don't quite understand the concept of sarcastic humor, I'll make it clear. The content of this composition is entirely fictional and any relation to any person living or dead is out of pure malice. If you think this in bad taste, well in that case go eat some candy (not the kind you think).