My Experiments with Bachelorhood

It was that time of the month. No you idiot, I am not talking about that thing that aligns with Moon Cycles or marriages in Saas-Bahu Soaps. It was the last week of the month. Account balance didn't look too promising. Then I looked outside. It was even more depressing. Cool Winds blowing, a hint of rain in air betrayed by the smell of wet dust. I wanted to go out but couldn't. My account balance didn't allow me. Then like the flashback moment before death, I recalled it all. How it took me 1656 seconds to convince her that the other she was just my cousin

It was then it hit me. Screw all the crap about saving women, children, tigers, society's weaker sections, street dogs, Political Son-in-laws and their rivals. We need to save Bachelorhood.

Remember the time you called up an apartment owner who has put up an ad to let his apartment. "What?? North Indian? Bachelor? (Beep-Beep)" The phone line went dead. Where is the bloody balcony, I am gonna jump.

If this wasn't suicidal enough, recall the moment you dozed off in the metro and a supposedly needy old aunty was left standing for 60 seconds because you didn't stand up and apparently among a crowd of other 25 year olds, you are the only one eligible to give your seat. Of course, others happen to be either girls or married dudes with a kid on their lap.

And then it got worse. Those 60 seconds convinced her that she has ultimately found the person responsible for all the scum being delivered right to her nose everyday. Apparently, I represent my generation. It was like being crowned the Prince after a rather naughty holiday at a beach resort that all the newspapers had photos of.

I urge Kejriwals, Annas, Swamys (reluctantly) to save bachelors. It is a section of society that has been abandoned by families, ignored by aliens from Venus and declared criminal by Mr Muthuswamy. We will sit on hunger strikes if we could. Unfortunately, we're perennially on hunger strike. The issue just happens to be someone's broken computer that we're trying to fix in an Irish sounding American accent. Just as you requested, We'll not pay inflated electricity bills, but that's mostly because we can't pay those bills. And yes, We will speak freely on social network, whatever the Mobile Phone minister has to say, but that's only because the chances of anyone actually seeing that are close to zero.

So I will end with a small request. Remember, when our parents uses to tell us when we were kids. Now is the time you should work and study hard. You can have all the freedom you want when you grow. Well, my friends, they were referring to bachelorhood. 

Bachelorhood. Save yours, You never know how many good years you have left.

PS: Unless you are really daft and don't quite understand the concept of sarcastic humor, I'll make it clear. The content of this composition is entirely fictional and any relation to any person living or dead is out of pure malice. If you think this in bad taste, well in that case go eat some candy (not the kind you think). 

Let the nowhere come to you

For days, even weeks and quite possibly months, I have been trying to get to a place. A place where I can just sit and stare into the vastness of terra firma. Just look at a lot of land in front of me. Not to be worried about the harshness of sun above or the hardness of rock below. No purpose, no obvious reason but just to be by myself.

The act of getting to this nowhere is infinitely hard. You need to get out at the right time, deal with the traffic and drive for possibly hours. You rush through all of these just to defeat the whole purpose. Getting to nowhere isn't supposed to be rushed or purposeful. It isn't supposed to be hard or time bound. You just arrive at some place by pure chance and just be there. But the whole idea becomes something about a purpose and following a procedure. By the time you do get somewhere it has become an activity that has tired you out and can't really enjoy the emptiness of it all.

It is a bit like the lack of clarity of thought. You're always trying to get to an idea rather than letting it come to you. A mind full of thoughts can't be empty enough for bliss to pour in. Achieving this, to me is the lightness of being.

Oh, My Word!!!

I have never quite understood the point of writing in very complex language. What’s the point of something if it can’t be understood by the person it is meant for? For me success of writing lies in mass appeal. No one really has the patience and time to pick up a dictionary after reading 10 words in a line. If someone had that much time, he might as well start deciphering hieroglyphics. Alright, don’t pick up a dictionary just yet. Hieroglyphics just refers to ancient Egyptian symbol script. I don’t know who came up such a word. Sounds more like a very indecent and improper sexual proposition.

I am not what you call an avid reader. I have these moments of inspiration, and in these moments, I can read just about anything at an amazing pace. I finished all four Twilight novels in 4 sittings of 8 hours each. And stop right there, I am not a teenage girl. I was having those moments I just talked about and had nothing better to do.

This is not what you call a special gift, but whatever reading I have done is mostly simple and elegant English. Even when I could read Hindi (can’t anymore, not a proud thing for an Indian), I never ventured into complex compositions. Those things simply put me off. Hardest thing I have ever read is Ayn Rand’s Fountainhead and a few pages of Sulman Rushdie. Sulman Rushdie for some reason didn’t make any sense. It was like reading a sentence backwards. Fountainhead was an altogether different story. At first it was even worse; it was like reading the whole book backwards. But then after a while things started making sense. Although my interest in fountainhead had nothing to do with the language, it was simply compelling content.

Just to paint the picture of difference, imagine American war on terror in Afghanistan. The difference is like carpet bombing and laser guided missile technology. Sure missile guided systems, like complex language, is precise, accurate and well, boring. Ask any 7 year old kid. Carpet bombing is infinitely more spectacular in destruction and absolutely terrorizing in its approach and that’s the kind of approach one should follow with language. The writing should leave behind such a trail in its wake that reader, for love of his live, shouldn’t be able to forget it and complex language just doesn’t solve that purpose.

Pigs and Profs....

Hey hey...don't get me wrong. I am just quoting a quote....
"Arguing with a Professor is like fighting with a pig in mud
After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty the pig is actually enjoyin"

(All credit to Pratik Singhal for comin' up with this...original or copied doesn't matter)

I guess, there are only a few who would disagree. Don't get me wrong, I am not comparing profs and pigs. I genuinely respect quite a few of 'em. I am just tryin' to have a realistic comparison(!!).

So, what is it that keeps these creatures(not pigs dumb head) ticking. Why is it that even after decades of endless torture sessions, they just don't seem to have enough of it. You can be as reasonable and as polite as your temper and your peanut sized brain(thats what profs tell us) allow you to be and still that person in front of you, with all his grey strands, with all the coldness in his eyes, and years of experience, just fails to see the reason. Why would he think he can't be wrong just for once. That, this time the direction of flow of reason may be opposite, that his professor-ly ego might be misguiding him.

Thinkin' that I am wrong?? Try this:

The prof who made me write all this is a very good example. Though he lacks grey strands and has no experience, but, he is a professor alright. He drops a shocker just a few days before exams that my attendance is short. That was just too hard to believe.
How?? Well, he said I didn't attend a few classes. Alright. Where was I, programming my way to glory in ACM ICPC. Not impressed, he asks did I take prior permission?? I did. I asked him a week before the contest. Still in no mood to give up, he asks, did u give any application?? What....

Why would someone think of application when he said yes. Anyway, I wasn't giving up just yet. I had in fact submitted application with Academic Dean (sort of...). That should cover every subject including his... No... He is son of god. His next issue; how would he know. Now I was at end of my wits and didn't want to lose my temper (and another sem). So, I had to give up.

Finally I had to do a stupid project (he wanted this to be meaningful!!). Crapping and coding (again) my way to more crappiness, I hope to satisfy his ego.

Anyone reading this would say, the prof is right. Hold on to that thought for a moment. First of all he took one full week to raise all the above said issues. More importantly, why can't he just adjust attendance later. I tried and tried, and tried some more, but couldn't find an answer to this. Maybe, my pig knows the answer......

PS: I am racist, and my only target is the race of professors....

Pratik Singhal:: http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=13249304010539509748

Movies Music and Engineering...

Talking a bit more about engg geeks...oops!!...grads...Two activities seem to dominate any engineering student's schedule, Music and Movies.

At least, for me both have been soul savers. No job, no girlfriend, no fun...don't go to delhi...listen to music and watch movies. I have a very quotable quote, "A movie a day keeps tension at bay".

Creatures living in dungeons called Boys hostels either fall for drum abusing rockstars or my personal favorite Himesh bhai!!(Plz don't infer anything from this). Those aliens living in girls hostels either go nuts for bhai or give in to immortals like Enrique (who ,by the way, only demands kisses, pain and weird sex with his music).

In the bigger picture, more pressing question is why does this happen. People have called me names and don't know what else for watching so many movies and listening to such a variety of music. Obviously, these people have never known a thing ,as this pain, called Engineering. They can't even imagine such a schedule. They would die and still would not except in the final hour of truth that they don't have any taste of their own and follow whatever MTV, [V] and VH1 ask them to.

Whatever maybe the reason, one thing for sure, if we worship these two things, internet has to be the place of worship. Forget about month late releases, waiting eagerly for arrivals, lagging season schedules. You get it as it happens(even if not released). Right or wrong, I am no one to decide.

There is a strange addiction to this. Ever since I got my desktop PC in hostel, there hasn't been a single day that has passed without some insanely loud music or a fast forward show of a movie.

So, coming back to question, why. Well, I have heard a few explanations
"They complete me"
"I don't need to understand Hetfield, he completely gets me!!"(yeah punk... he is your brother...)
"Gump was so innocent"
"Dude, that movie rocks"
"Mind blowing action, MAN!!"

Well I have a few of mine. But I won't list them(don't wanna come across as dumb). But what I can think of is.....We seem to find that glamor, that excitement, that passion, that energy, that missing edge (This is not a Viagra commercial punch line...so keep reading) that we don't have with us. As engineers, more often than not, we are honest enough to accept what we lack and thats why we try to complete all that. Some may call all this superficial and unreal, but they are no more superficial and unreal than us. At least we dare to accept.

So till someone gives me a good reason to stop listening to cold play, I am not stopping...They get me!!

Here we go for the 100th time!!

I hav come to believe tht engg serves only two purposes.....
1) Make a perfectly sane and healthy human being totally numb. Food lacks taste, exams don't scare anymore, u dare beyond ur capacity
2) Whatever u learn only helps in exams, and nvr again in life after graduation...

Regarding the first case i m ready to forgive anyone who thinks i m talkin abt falling in love....but all that is true. Some faculty member is sayin he will fail u...and u jus don't care...infact, u declare(shouting at full volume) that u r goin to fail, n might as well throw a party to celebrate!!

Second thing, i guess i really don't need to talk a thing abt that. Ask any engg grad....he'll first punch u and then say "yeah, u r rite mate!!"

And if thought this was all bullshit.....try this...i m posting this blog less than 2 days b4 my end sem exams start.

People might say i hav left out a lot....
There is definitely one more thing....evryone drinks and evryone smokes and no one accepts.
Proof--Check orkut profile of engg grads who say they don't do either of that...and i can assure you 60% are actually addicted* to smoking and even more drink regularly(nt addicted 'coz they don't hav that sort of pocket money that devdas boasted!!).....hic!!..Cheers!!

PS: I don't smoke or drink and thats why i have all the unpartiality in this respect
* Conditions apply...

Night out -- Over n Out

Sitting at home and missing hostel within a few hours made me do something i have very strict views about (against or for i m not sure). I m writing a blog...mostly i don't even care if people even notice me....now i m publishing on web!!! Jus' for the sake of intros i jus got into 4th year of my Engg course. Communication and Comp engg at LNM IIT jaipur to b specific. Don't even dare ask me wat exactly this branch is all about, i am still trying to figure out

Anyway, ever since we moved into the year of salvation or to be simple final year, night outs and hangouts hav been a lot more consistent than studies or anything related to that. Work load, exams load, extra curricular load...blah...blah...blah....... has certainly gone up (someone promised me 4th year is easy), but so hav our ways of doin away with that load. Easiest way is leave it n stop caring about it. Other is to wait n watch n then copy!!

Don't really know wat else to write next, i m not a big fan of big intros, so watch (or mayb not) this space for more...Mayb next time i'll tell u about the growl we heard from bushes (it definitely wasn't a fox or dog or even jackal, it was bigger!!), that sure scared the shit outta us for a moment, though sanity was restored next moment as we had a bike ready....Over n OUT